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blog #16
an experiment in blogging
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To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog candoor], from anywhere else use http://personals.theonion.com/blog/candoor,
and to read it remotely use the  feed.
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| time is an illusion |
Nov 12, 2007 9:01 pm
2808 Views | time is an illusion
when you are not here
time is an illusion
it can disappear
the moment you are near
as sappy as that seems
when you are with me
i no longer need dreams
ah yes, time is certainly an illusion for a hopelessly hopeful romantic like me... sometimes it is a nightmarishly indefinite illusion, kind of like a black hole... sometimes it does not seem to exist... I like it better that way...
so the last time i visited here, PJ was a year younger... PJ is a dear memory, a beautiful flower in the garden of my mind who just happened to have as a birth date the same date of my last post here... i miss her, but then, i miss everyone i've loved in this life, or anywhere, for that matter...
i still babble daily online, elsewhere , that nameless big secret real sharing place that doesn't charge (please don't delete this for it's honesty)... like the beatles said, you know my name, look up my number...
if you are going to san francisco
wear a smile and a flower in your hair
and if you are going to orlando
look up candor and you will find me there
ric candor was a wandering mistrel of old
a vagabond at times who seldom did as he was told
he sang with harry chapin trying to wake up the heart
of humanity cuz that is where the god life can start
oh, ric candor, don't you cry for me
cuz i come from new york city
and my true love i don't see
oh, ric candor, you laugh at yourself
cuz no one gets your jokes as much
as the books on your shelf
and if you are going to hawai'i
tell kawehi tom i love the way she sings
and if you are going back up to toronto
tell the kids they still play all my heart strings
and once there was a child named ricky held
who took everything so seriously
he spent his whole life making up for
the childhood he lost to misery
oh, ricky held, don't you cry for me
cuz i come from los angeles
and my true love i don't see
oh, ricky held, you can laugh finally
cuz the bandit has your funny bone
and true love is still free
so if you are going to high to santa fe
find the dawn child in misty memory
and if you are going up to seattle
find the golden child she in fantasy
ric candor was a troubadour trying to save the world
singing for his supper as so many still do
he sang with elvis and elton and the beatles too
and if you want to come over, he will sing with you
oh, ric candor, when will this dang song end
if nobody is laughing they don't get the joke, yo
oh ric candor, just looking for a friend
it's still the same old story, everywhere we go
still the same old story, just to let you know
still the same old story, now it's time to go | |
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| for you, the writers |
Oct 21, 2006 4:24 am
6606 Views | you are why I am online... you who put words out here, not necessarily to feel published or for any sort of profit, but simply to release your thoughts and feelings so they do not become a burden... and to put yourself into words when no one is around to share so that maybe someday someone will read and know you better...
and this is why I write... to hear myself think, to express my emotions, to record my existence when I am alone in the hope that someone will care to share, but even when no one does, at least I can read the words and know I was...
and where have I been...
I switched shifts at work, from nights to days, and changed jobs... adjusting to the changes continues and leaves a lot less writing time and, though it may just be my perspective, a lot less time period... the new job is fun, in many ways very different and in some ways the same... a good change for me as I enjoy change as it keeps my brain exercising...
and now that I have evenings and nights off (forgetting I do need sleep sometimes), I've been putting off fixing the air conditioning in my car and buying a new computer so I can indulge my love of music, especially my love to explore new music... a list of most of the concerts I've enjoyed and intend to enjoy can be found in the previous entry if you're interested in music...
and my writing habits continue, that is, I write daily and have since I could first hold a crayon, but as I said, I don't have as much time so expanding my writing places has not been continuing as it would if I had more time for writing and uploading... my primary writing spaces see at least a daily entry and there are three that receive frequent entries and then there are the others, like this one, that receive an entry whenever I can find the time...
usually it requires giving up sleep, as it does tonight... I got home from a concert (Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins... Jenny is the lead singer of Rilo Kiley, doing something a little different with her current tour, if that helps)and I wrote an entry and fell asleep in this chair and woke and instead of going to bed I wandered around on line and found myself here...
it is time constraint, not lack of interest that keeps me from visiting more... I have several of you clicked as watched blogs (or whatever it's called) and wish I had time to read more...
I need to get some sleep now as I have another concert this afternoon, about an hour away, so it'll mean being showered, dressed, and out the door by 3pm, which means awake in six hours or so... since starting a flexible 9-5 position, I've averaged 4-5 hours sleep a night, which takes getting used to after averaging 6-8 hours a night for the last three years or so... ironically, I find that I still don't like to sleep at night (never have), though I am very comfortable sleeping during the day... I've been wondering how much of this preference is habit, how much is natural circadian rhythm, and how much is my personality, particularly in that when I go to bed at night I feel much lonelier and wanting to cuddle than when I go to bed in daylight hours... for what it's worth, there is a tid bit of insight into me, if only to keep true to trying to share myself and not simply record the events in my online writings... I never know when I little self-insight might pop out...
I appreciate your comments more than I have time to say... I'd respond to each individually here and I'd visit your blogs if I had more time and hope to find some time sometime... maybe Sunday after the concert (if I don't pass out at the keyboard and sleep all day)... more than anything though, I want to live and share life offline more and that is where I've been, seeking sharing offline... so far I'm having much fun enjoying the music and wandering around, but the sharing is still lacking on many levels...
remaining hopeful is a full time job 
I hope you are finding some of what makes you enjoy happening in your life (and taking steps to make it happen if you are not finding it just now)... and I shall return here when I have time because more than a few of you have intrigued me and I'd like to read and know you more... g'nite and share a smile today... | |
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| the concerts and other fun |
Oct 21, 2006 4:01 am
6035 Views | much of my free time has been spent exploring new music live... for music lovers interested, these are the concerts and shows I've seen or intend to see (and one big reason I'm not writing or reading online as much as I used to)... I'd love to put links to the artists and shows for anyone interested in joining me, but such real world connections are forbidden here, which is big reason I am drawn elsewhere first for my daily blogging... you can find much more at my daily blogspot, my diaryland and even my myspace... anyway, returning to indulging my love of music is a good sign of life for me... without the creative inspiration and release of music, I sometimes forget myself... if you are in Orlando, FL or plan to visit and love music, I'd love to share a concert with you... genre doesn't matter much, though I do have my favorites within genres... and the list of concerts below are not representative of my overall musical tastes because many of the artists I'd love to see are not playing around here (or are outpricing themselves for my budget, like Clapton did just last night)... but anyway, this is some of where I've been and what I love...
Warp Tour started the summer... too many bands to list here, but you can look up the artist list if you care to... and then, there are these shows:
August ?...
Houston Calls, QuietDrive, Dave Melillo...
August ?...
Spill Canvas, Mae, Inkwell
August 20th
Dave Melillo, A Change of Pace, and Roses Are Red
September 9th
Amber Pacific, This Day and Age, Just Surrender, October Fall, and All Time Low
September 24th
Paramore, Hit the Lights, Cute is What We Aim For, and This Providence
October 12th (Hard Rock Cafe)
Hawthorne Heights, Plain White Ts, Reliant K, Emery, and The Sleeping
October 14th (BackBooth)
Broken Image (and others tba)
October 17th (The Social)
Alexisonfire, Moneen, A Change of Pace, Cancer Backs
October 20th (The Club at Firestone)
Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, Johnathan Rice, The Blow
October 21st (House of Blues)
Say Anything, Mewithoutyou, Piebald
October 23rd (House of Blues)
Thursday, Rise Against, Circa Survive, and Billy Talent
October 28th (Winter Park)
American Cancer Society's 2006 Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Event
October 30th (Park Ave Records)
Copeland (CD release party)
November 3rd (House of Blues)
New Found Glory, The Early November, Cartel, and Hit the Lights
November 4th (Deland, FL.) 11am - whenever
6th Annual Deland Original Music Festival
November 4th (Hard Rock Cafe) 6pm - 10pm-ish
30 Seconds to Mars, HeadAutomatica, Receiving Ends of Sirens, Cobra Starship
November 8th (UCF Arena)
Panic! at the Disco, Bloc Party, Jack's Mannequin
November 9th (UHS Cast 2)
The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940
November 10th (House of Blues)
HelloGoodbye, Reggie and the Full Effect, Cute is What We Aim For, Dave Melillo
November 12th (UHS Cast 2)
The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940
November 19th (UCF Arena)
Death Cab For Cutie, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists
November 22nd (The Club at Firestone)
Cursive, Jeremy Enigk, The Cops
December 1st (Tinker Field)
AFI, Taking Back Sunday, Angels & Airwaves, Buckcherry, Bullet for My Valentine, Sugarcult, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus | |
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| kilowatt |
Oct 17, 2006 9:09 pm
6153 Views | there was once a kilowatt
who shone like the sun
reading her was magical
knowing her was fun
then one day she disappeared
couldn't tell you why
seems to happen a lot in life
sort of makes me cry
why do people go away
long before they die?
people come and people go
like stars in the night sky
always passing overhead
a hello and goodbye
distance makes the heart grow fonder
distance makes the mind forget
and what is real in the here and now
has not happened yet
but still I don't regret
I've known a lot of beautiful
people who shared love
and I believed in trusting them
with all that I dream of
but one by one they disappeared
couldn't tell you why
seems to happen a lot in life
sort of makes me cry
why do people go away
long before they die?
people come and people go
like stars in the night sky
always passing overhead
a hello and goodbye
distance makes the heart grow fonder
distance makes the mind forget
and what is real in the here and now
has not happened yet
but still I don't regret
I will not name all of them
they know who they are
each one was the kind of friend
you wish upon a star
what is it 'bout a dream come true
that never seems to last
with them time seems to stand still
then they become the past
are the best things in life free
because they do not last?
people come and people go
like stars in the night sky
always passing overhead
a hello and goodbye
distance makes the heart grow fonder
distance makes the mind forget
and what is real in the here and now
has not happened yet
but still I don't regret
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| so many words, so little time |
Oct 17, 2006 9:04 pm
6557 Views | that title sounds so familiar, logic says I must have used it somewhere before because it is a frequent visitor (in thought form) to my head... there are 262 blog posts right here at the onion that I want to read before I even read back in the archives of people I enjoy reading here and that's before I even begin to explore more...
and apparently my last entry was viewed 1071 times and I received three comments, one of which was my response to the two commenters... as far as I can tell, I received no emails or messages or any sort of contact (though email and I have had a love-hate relationship of late and my primary email is currently down at the server end again)...
so I suppose I could come here just to, in text form, hear myself think... or I could appreciate the few comments I do get and disregard the concerns about wasting precious time... and so I return, though I admit that I return because of the next post because it reminded me of this place and it just seemed to fit here in my blog #16...
lately I've been keeping very busy with work and with concerts and with helping out others... work is fun because I moved into a new position at the hospital and it involves setting up databases and systems and I enjoy a challenge like that...
the concerts are my most fun because I love music, though my concert partners are 17 years old, lots of fun, but in a different world and I'd sure love an intimate partner to share the music and the concert experience...
and helping others is why I'll always be poor, because even when I had a whole lot I found a way to give it all away because I enjoy helping others... and even if what I am often told is supposed to come around (as in what goes around comes around, ya know?) never actually does, I'm happy...
even when I'm lonely in a crowd, I'm happy...
so anyway, since I am not allowed to put my phone number or email address or website link in these entries, we may just have to keep hoping we pass like two ships in the night somewhere else if we want to meet and get to know each other... I mean, if I mention that my last name is actually my handle here minus one o and I'm the only one in the book, did I just violate some sacred rule? (I suppose I'll know if this post is deleted, huh?)...
and perhaps any personals site brings out a cynical side for me, but if I wasn't hopeful of meeting friends and finding someone to love I'd not reach out anywhere... hey, I'm even blogging at myspace these days cuz who knows where I might meet people who might become real in this life...
you probably already know I'm a dreamer if you've read before... so I'm asking, what are we doing here and is anybody interested in meeting in Orlando, FL? | |
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| a star I am not |
Jul 30, 2006 6:55 am
7036 Views | but then, I am not seeking popularity persay... even as ego loves the spotlight and misses the applause, the art and craft was always more important than the reaction for me... and yet, here online as I reach out to find someone to relate to and dream of finding a partner to share this life, I wonder if popularity is the point...
after all, if my goal is to reach that certain someone that shares the same perspectives, values, ideals, and dreams, does not reaching the largest audience possible help me accomplish my goal here? (especially since I am a few standard deviations from the norms in many of my perspectives, values, ideals, and dreams)...
ah, but who has time for all the pandering it takes to become popular online?... not I and perhaps that's why I mock it and myself for mocking it
I've been working a lot of extra hours this summer and have fallen a month behind on my daily rambles over at diaryland... I have been keeping up my blogspot updates for friends... I even spent a bit of time filling in and adding to my myspace (where I use one less o)... I have't had time to be online much, but how does one build an online notoriety without spending hours a day (or more) online?...
and then there's the fact that if I put my phone number in this entry (as I have before... shhhh) it will probably be deleted so the nature of this site is to turn us into voyeurs unless we're ready to invest time and money into jumping through hoops to get in touch with each other...
I wonder if I can be permitted to mention that you can find my number on my diaryland diary... if this post isn't deleted, perhaps I'll make more of an effort to post here and connect... I am quite content being in the background, actually... I only want to shine brightly just long enough to be noticed by one particular person... if that makes sense...
meanwhile, I've not slept in two days (the only way I find time to write a bit online these days... this summer has been too much fun to be writing a whole lot about it, so that's a good thing) so I shall pause now...
hopefully for less than a month this time | |
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| life is a beautiful blur |
Jun 28, 2006 6:19 am
6678 Views | with so little time to sit and write... but in case you wanted to know, Van's Warped Tour was great... twelve hours of music and sun and wild and happy people and rain and wet and moshing people and some muddy people and some bouncing people and most of all music...
just look up the tour online if you don't know what I mean (not allowing links here is really dumb and so limiting to our sharing, but I'll not grumble about that today... though I'm not happy that my last entry (the 22nd) seems to have been blocked or something as it had no views at all... feels like I wasted my time here, but ok, get back up and shake it off)...
the tour is about new bands, mostly, though Joan Jett and the Blackhearts showed up and she's surely been around a while... voice sounded a bit strained, but she was never one for the musical purists (few rockers are, which is one beautiful thing about rock and roll)... she still looks wonderfully fit though...
discovering bands and artists I never heard before is one of the most fun things I can do in this life and dozens of new-to-me bands were there... I have lots of free CDs to listen to now...
working a 17 hour shift in a psychiatric hospital immediately after the psyche of 12 hours at an outdoor concert was not exactly ideal for the body and yet, I love a good sleep deprivation high and the juxtaposition of events offered some profound incites (now if only I can remember them), so by the time I got home from work after the weekend I was cruising in my own personal blissful oblivion...
including drive time, I sat down for about five hours during the 36 hours of music and work, running on adrenaline and a bit of caffeine and yes, the body is smiling and begging for more exercise and less laziness...
partly by choice (considering my interests, energy, perspective, and line of work are all my choices), I live my life surrounded by dozens of teenagers at home, at concerts, at work...
love the energy, miss a partner who loves that much energy (and wants to share it)...
if you like new sounds in rock music (from alternative to metal to emo to ska to whatever we're calling new music these days) and outdoor concerts, check out the Warped Tour if it passes through your area...
you know how to reach me | |
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| slowing, I suppose |
Jun 22, 2006 7:43 am
6038 Views | 4. I started this blog, ironically, at a time when my writing time and my online time is at a minimum (compared to other times in my life and times)... still, I write as I breath, often, though not always deeply...
0. the hopeful child inside who thought maybe that by starting a blog on a personals site would somehow suddenly bring more friends, love, romance, and all that jazz into my life offline is off dreaming such dreams in other imaginary worlds... still, I am always hopeful, even when I am dragging around...
7. lately I've been gasping for time for myself, wondering if it is time to pick up and wander again, but realizing it gets more expensive to do with with each passing year and I hear a slow rumble of some sort of discomfort in the distance and I shudder as I wonder if it perhaps a touch of acceptance of normalcy...
3. I am too young inside to be that old...
2. and besides, I just want to have fun... but more, I want to share the fun with someone who understands how life can always be fun no matter what (and granted, fun has been a lot easier to come by at other times in this life)... someone with the energy and stamina and imagination to run with me... what I seek is not superficial, not temporary, not momentary thrills, but a lasting connection and partnership that includes the online world, but is mostly focused in the offline world...
5. I'll be back from time to time to see if anyone has noticed me and being me, I will be writing more...
1. I always do...
4. hope your life is fun today... as much as I love words, the writing and the reading and the sharing, the literary fantasies are not enough... I want to hold hands, to hug, to walk together, to cuddle sharing music and movies and words and shows and concerts and running around parks and exercising and passion (yes sexual, but no less passion for everything positive in life)...
8. if you pass through Orlando and think you might understand or just want to walk around with someone who lives here, give me a call... maybe through meeting we can help each other find what we are looking for... if you want to read more about me before you do, just add dot net to my name and explore my online writings...
2. be clever, be bold, be wise... and be kind... | |
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| tic tic tic |
Jun 15, 2006 2:12 pm
6303 Views | no time bomb or sudden twitchy movements, just acknowledging the slow (or fast, depending on perspective) passage of time since I last appeared here to drop some words...
this blog has no form in my head... it's not wide open rambling like my candoor at diaryland (where I ironically posted some criteria for my ideal person that I found in old files from 1993)...
it's not communicative like my candoor at blogspot (where my few actual friends check in to find out the nothing I've become, so to speak... well, maybe Evanescence, or up in smoke, for that matter, but so little life happens these days to put into a RealTime blog)...
I am proving the adage that all work and no play makes Bob, dick, Fred, Harry, Tom, and even me a dull boy... if I had time, I'd start a Dull Boys Club, but those who belong in it would probably have no time or interest in joining...
yeah, it's irony, even if we don't think...
so anyway, I hope you are enjoying your life... I am enjoying my work and sleep and daily hygiene (which sums up all I do these days) and look forward to getting back to enjoying some free time just as soon as I figure out how...
at least I find it amusing, but then, I've always been crazy this way... | |
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| endless summer |
Jun 8, 2006 3:41 am
6116 Views | or so it seems for a happy teenager in Florida... working with teenage girls is at once a blessing and a challenge (but not a curse as no matter the nature of the energy, and sometimes it is negative and often egocentric, but who isn't)... and living with one is a constant (and I mean constant) source of inspiration and wonder and distraction...
especially now that school is out...
after a trip down south to check out her #1 college choice and visit the beach, we head to a job interview (hers... mental note: must teach her to drive) and some shopping and dinner and dessert (our favorite Gelato place is Jeremiah's... if you have one near you, feel blessed) and working more hours than usual, again, I napped for a few hours (I think I've forgotten how to sleep) and here we are again... life offline nudged any writing or uploading out of the picture until now...
even though she is my roommate’s daughter, I spend as much, if not more time with her (and doing the daily life with her) as my roommate works way too many hours to have much of a life, but someone has to pay the bills and anyone who has a teenager in the house, well, you know what the bills can become... of course I work nights and living five minutes from her school, but now that summer is here and she has so much time on her hands, I'm reminded of how wonder-filled a life can be at that explosive age...
but who can resist the sparkles behind the eyes...
she is an amazing person with an endless summer attitude (not that she doesn't have he usual angst and occasional selfish rudeness, but then, the world does revolve around her, doesn't it? (she doesn't always enjoy my sarcasm, but always gets it... smart girl we have here... especially when she hands me a new stack of CDs or DVDs she's burned for me... the way to my heart {and free rides wherever she needs to go} is definitely through music)...
being the adult her and her friends trust to tell all their intimate secrets to often leaves me with little time for myself these days, but it's fun being considered the cool adult... that's what I get for never growing up... we've got another year left to bounce around together and I'll miss her next fall when she starts, but I'll also have a lot more life to fill up (empty nest syndrome by proxy?)...
hopefully my endless summer will continue to continue too | |
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To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog candoor], from anywhere else use http://personals.theonion.com/blog/candoor,
and to read it remotely use the feed.
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